Personal growth journey
Hey reader,
This is a newsletter I send out in january 2024, I believe that we can always learn from other people’s stories, so here is mine:
I want to be more vulnerable and real this year, to connect more to you. So here's a very personal experience of mine:
One year ago I came home from work, opened my laptop and found proof that my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me. It felt as if the world had stopped turning. I collected his things and put them all in the hallway. When he came home, I told him that I didn’t trust him anymore and that therefore, our relationship would end. He denied what he did. I didn’t start a conversation because I was scared that he would talk his way out of it. I was scared that even though I hadn’t been feeling good in the relationship and I felt betrayed, I would be persuaded to choose my comfort zone, familiarity and to believe in my idealistic image of him instead of the real him. We were neighbors so we would constantly run into each other or hear each other in the hallway. It was very uncomfortable but I managed to stick to my decision and no contact.
Three months later, I found out that he was still entering my apartment when I wasn’t home. I did have my suspicions, both about the cheating and breaking and entering. I didn’t know if I felt intuition or if I was being crazy when I suspected these things. I was afraid to share these feelings with friends, because I was scared for my mental health. I didn’t confront him this time, I just canceled the lease of my apartment. I had lost my safe and beautiful space. I had lost even more faith in someone I had put on a pedestal. And most importantly, I had lost faith in myself. How could I have lied to myself that long? It is funny how when something like this happens, you can spend months (or years) blaming the other person. You can comfortably settle in the victim mentality and point at all the things what that person did wrong, how they hurt you. But that’s a dangerous path, since if you assume the victim you take away all your agency. I had chosen to stay in this relationship that didn’t make me happy. I had lied to myself when I saw him as this perfect person. I had ignored my own feelings of sadness, anger and the expressions of concern of my friends.
As I see it now, I understand how this all needed to happen. I had even asked for God or the Universe to remove those people from my life that didn’t help me to become my best self.
The break up and me leaving my apartment were the catalyst for me to:
invest more in myself and buy a ticket to Unleash the Power Within by Tony Robbins
quit my job (which was another part of my comfortzone)
say yes to my best friend to travel to Mexico together without a return ticket
start to believe more in my own belief system, capabilities and my own light
try new things and connect more with nature
explore more self love, pleasure and joy
I can tell you honestly that overcoming this blow on my trust, my heart, my self-esteem took me this whole year. And this is what I’ve learned:
Before entering into a (romantic) relationship and during a relationship, the relationship I have with myself is most important. This relationship, for me, is maintained by taking care of my needs (food, sleep, alone time), journaling, worship and/or meditation, continue my own hobbies, invest time and money in personal and professional growth
The importance of a supporting community (friends, family, …). You want to surround yourself with people who are a safe space and have your best interest in mind. Also, people who take care of themselves.
Anger and sadness should be felt, not repressed. What you don’t want to feel now, you’ll be forced to feel later.
Be patient with yourself, don’t rush yourself. Healing is not a linear journey.
The story you tell yourself and others matters. The amount of times you repeat this story is important. I had to ask myself: what do I get from retelling this story? How can I either stop telling this story or reframe this story? I am not what happened to me. What if it happened FOR me, what can I learn from this?
What matters is what YOU need to get out of this situation. You don’t need to compare your progress or process with others. You don’t necessarily need to take the same road to healing as your friend, family member, that influencer. What feels right for you?
Almost all these lessons come back to: listen to yourself, love yourself, trust yourself and your capabilities. Stop putting someone else on a pedestal, you are your own medicine, solution and guide. I have been so fortunate to meet several beautiful people along my way this past year that taught me this lesson. People I've met through a coaching course, coaching sessions, jobs, friendships, relationships, somatic healing practices, … And I wish to pass on this knowledge, I want to inspire people to be themselves. I want to assist you back to loving yourself, trusting yourself, believing in yourself. I want you to see the light in you that others see when they look at you. I want you to be the author of your story.
Please let me know what you want to work on these coming months.
Things we can explore together through coaching:
the patterns you are aware of that are blocking / sabotaging you
rest and relaxation practices
your relationship with self and/or significant other
you and your personal goals
spirituality: chakras, meditation, reiki
inner child, self love, self care
We’ll first have a free discovery call and afterwards we’ll see what would be the best way of us working together.
I look forward to hearing from you. You can book your session here.
Lots of love,
Steph
